Fourteen Punny Ways to Get Your Insurance Mailings Noticed

Insurance sales promotions aren’t for the bashful. Agents must relentlessly try fresh marketing approaches while simultaneously working to improve on any past successes. Meanwhile, there are new and exciting electronic technologies competing for the prospect’s attention. These include individualized cell phone text messages and podcasting (“homemade radio shows” containing free information or entertainment made available for download onto a prospect’s iPod or other audio device).

Yet somehow, there is still nothing more exhilarating or personal than opening up the mailbox and finding a bulky envelope inside. What could be enclosed? A promotional gift like those tacky pens with your name misspelled? Maybe it’s a poorly-printed calendar or a cheaply-bound address book. Whatever it is, the prospect wants to know and know now. So, he excitedly tears open the packaging. What’s inside is a mailing from you–or at least it could be if you read the rest of this column.

Be memorable. Be corny.

Just like a silly TV commercial, agency mailings that employ bad sales puns, are remembered. Then when you toss in a bulky attention-grabbing object, the agency doubles its chances of being noticed. And in marketing, what’s remembered is often what’s bought. So please don’t groan too much at the following puns. They are intended to be dreadful–and to match up with the item that’s placed in the envelope.

Test out a few of the suggested “bulk” mailings. Seek to uncover the ideal pun-object combination that yields the best inquiry-to-sales results. Once you uncover a profitable duo, it’s wise to distribute custom-imprinted agency giveaways. However until you’re ready to go all out, many of the promotional objects listed may be affordably purchased at your local dollar store or warehouse club.

Get fat.
A bulky envelope is usually opened before any other piece of mail because the recipient can’t wait to discover what’s inside. To capitalize on this very human instinct, more than a dozen low-cost envelope stuffers, with a selection of insurance puns, are highlighted below. Some of the items, such as the Post-it pad, may be directly placed in the envelope. Others, like the nut/bolt and the condiments, require a tiny plastic bag to hold them.

Employ each pun as your marketing headline or use it to lead off the copy on your enclosed correspondence. Each sample object and pun combination offers you a variety of insurance product paths from which to choose.

Call for action.
Encourage each prospect to do more than just pocket the free enclosure. Invite him or her to contact you. Receiving the call is your primary goal, since actual insurance sales cannot be closed with this type of mailing.

To drive the desired action, enclose a postpaid business reply card or a “call me” index-sized card featuring the name and number of the proper contact person at the agency. Follow-up phone calls to prospects, when permitted by all applicable Do-Not-Call regulations, enhance the success of each campaign. That’s because nearly every direct mail recipient is sure to remember your pun-laden gift.

The following lists 14 direct mail enclosures with accompanying puns. Use each pun as the featured headline or copy on your accompanying sales letter, memo, or note card.

Large nut with bolt.
Pun 1. Feel like a nut for overpaying on your [contractor’s liability] insurance? Then bolt to our agency for a specially-priced [artisan’s package] policy.

Pun 2. Call us. We’ll gladly explain the nuts and bolts of your [business] insurance policy.

Play money rolled into a small bankroll
Pun 1. You’ll wish this money was real if you’re ever sued for $1 million!

Pun 2. We save you serious cash on your [homeowners] insurance.

Pun 3. Our workers’ compensation programs pay genuine cash dividends to [restaurant owners].

Play money folded into a paper airplane
.
Pun 1. Are you throwing away good money on your [car/home/business] insurance?

Pun 2. Don’t let profits fly out the door. Call about our special business income protection.

Pun 3. Don’t let profits fly out the back door. Insure yourself against employee dishonesty.

Losing state lottery ticket.
Ask staffers to save all losing tickets for this mailing. Crinkle them up for effect and bulk.

Pun 1. Sorry! Was this your retirement plan? Call for a professional strategy you can live with for years.

Pun 2. I hope this wasn’t your employee benefits program. Call for free ideas to keep your staff happy.

Packet of vegetable seeds.

Pun 1. Let us help you grow your [child’s college fund/retirement nest egg].

Pun 2. We help to keep your business growing–even after a major loss.

Wrapped piece of bubble gum.

Pun 1. We never stick it to our insureds! And that’s why the vast majority of our clients continue to do business with us, renewal after renewal. Last year over [95 percent] of agency policyholders stuck by us. The other 5 percent probably wish they did.

Pun 2. Here’s something else you can sink your teeth into: our new low term life insurance rates. For example, a 30-year old man can protect his family with a $250,000 policy for only $X a year. No rate increase guaranteed for X years.

Three bandages.
Wrap them together with a small rubber band for bulk.

Pun 1. Want to cut your [auto insurance] rates? Call the “Insurance Doctors” at [555-5555].

Pun 2. We’ll make it easy and painless to cancel your old policy. Let us do the dirty work for you.

Small eraser.
Enclose the pointed type that you place on top of a pencil.

Pun 1. Had a ticket or accident? No problem. Let’s just “erase” it from your record.

Pun 2. Ever wish you could rub out high [business] insurance rates? We’ll do it for you!

Condiment packet
Pun 1. Sugar: You’ll love our sweet [home, car, boat, or business] insurance rates!

Pun 2. Mustard: Our [home, car, boat, or business] insurance rates cut the mustard!

Pun 3. Relish: We relish the thought of insuring your [home, business or restaurant]!

Mini-tissue pack

Pun 1. Our [homeowners] rates are nothing to sneeze at!

Pun 2. When you see our [home] insurance quote, you’ll shed tears of joy.

Small bar of soap.

Pun 1. Check out our spotless rates for drivers with clean records.

Pun 2. Now you don’t have to feel dirty when you talk about [car] insurance.

Cheap flash light.

Pun 1. In the dark about [life insurance] protection?

Pun 2. Are your [group insurance] rates blinding your budget?

Post-it pad.

Pun 1. Is your present insurer padding your rates? Find out fast. Call us for a free [small business] insurance review.

Pun 2. Stick up for your insurance rights. Make certain that you are investing in the right coverages at the right premium.

One small wrapped cookie
(which breaks into pieces in the mail).

Pun 1. Are high [homeowners] premiums breaking your budget? That’s not how our insurance cookies crumble.

Pun 2. You’ll toss your cookies when you find out how much you could have saved on your [car] insurance.

Conclusion
The opportunities for direct mail marketing are unlimited. In testy times like these, you must send out more than conservatively-written form letters stuffed with traditional brochures. You’ve gotta go fat. Bulky envelopes and bad puns make certain that your direct mailings are noticed by even the busiest of prospects. They distinguish your solicitation from the day’s ordinary marketing clutter. Plus this activity is downright fun.

Alan Shulman, CPCU, is the publisher of Agency Ideas, a subscription-only sales and marketing newsletter. He is also the author of the 1001 Agency Ideas book series and other popular P/C sales resources. He may be reached at (800) 724-1435 or by e-mail at: shulman@agencyideas.com. www.agencyideas.com.