California Allows Homeowners Insurance for Cars

California Insurance Commissioner Davey Jones announced that traffic has gotten so bad in Los Angeles that his department will allow independent agents to write homeowners insurance for cars.

“People are putting coffee makers in their cars, and texting like mad while ignoring the person in the passenger seat, and bickering with those in other cars,” said Jones, who is not to be confused with the Monkee, but who has been made to be a monkey’s uncle a few times. “It’s just like home. It is time we cut the poor Angelinos some slack.”

How bad is traffic? In just the past few days, city officials announced plans to have a public meeting to discuss resurrecting the street car system, with armed security this time, and LA Bariatrics had to cancel its planned “Walk for Health” because there was no way anyone could get there in their cars.

“I am just so grateful,” said Marisol Steinberg, who lives near Griffith Park. “I’ve always liked that Davey Jones, with his boyish good looks. I’m a believer! I think my husband is grateful, too. Course, I never see him. He leaves work, and eventually he gets close to home. But, by then, it is time for him to turn around and go back. I tell him he should walk the two blocks but he won’t listen.”