Holiday Policy Language: Christmas 2018 Edition

I hope that you’re having a wonderful holiday season. I’m still out for Christmas, but I wanted to make sure that I added a little humor to your week with a Christmas installment of Holiday Policy Language so without any further introduction, read on and enjoy!

You may extend coverage provided on this policy for the following:

“Snowball fight” coverage extension

“Snowball fight” means any activity where people ground snow to form into a projectile for the purpose of hitting someone else with it. Any “snowball fight” that does not include an insured or does not occur at an “insured location” is excluded from this coverage extension.

“Family injury” means relationship troubles that may start or get worse during Christmas celebrations. “Family injury” does not have to start during a family Christmas gathering. In fact, most already existed, holiday stress and (potentially) adult beverages just brought them to the surface.

You may extend coverage for “family injury” related to “snowball fights”. This coverage only applies if:

There is no coverage for “bodily injury” or “property damage” resulting from “snowball fights”, but if the “bodily injury” or “property damage” result in “family injury” that “family injury” is covered.

Coverage is for costs related to “family injury” including, but not limited to, counseling, bail money, vehicle towing, relocation expenses, and new identities.

“Weather related layover” coverage extension

“Weather related layover” means the following weather events that cause your extended family not to be able to leave your town:

If your family can get out of your town, but can’t get home, that is not a “weather related layover”. They should try and go anywhere other than your house.

In the event of a “weather related layover”, coverage is provided so that you can get out of your house. Leave them there to eat the leftovers and fend for themselves. This coverage is meant specifically to pay for the following:

Loss of Turkey “Bumpus’s Dogs” coverage extension

“Bumpus’s Dogs” means, wait, you should already know what “Bumpus’s Dogs” means. If you don’t go watch the movie right now. If you don’t know what movie we mean, this coverage doesn’t apply to you.

If your Christmas dinner is eaten or stolen by “Bumpus’s Dogs” this coverage will pay:

Please provide the following evidence with your claim for this coverage:

Double indemnity clause: If you can document that your restaurant experience is like that of the aforementioned movie, this coverage will pay double the expenses claimed.

I hope you enjoyed this installment of Holiday Policy Language. As always, this is not meant to offend or upset anyone. All of this is meant in fun and if I’ve offended you, please accept my apology.

I hope you and your family have enjoyed a wonderful Christmastime.

See you next year!

Patrick